I'm Tired...A Half Year In Reflection

I'm tired. Like really, really tired. My wife and I  haven't slept in six months. Well we have, but not uninterrupted or peaceably anyways. On December 30th my littleman turns six months old. During a time of the year when many are reflecting on the past twelve months, I'd like to take a look at the last six, and so this is a half year in reflection. In a time when many children would be sleeping through the night by now, our little fella' still likes to wake up every two hours on the hour and demands to be fed. It's crazy how our sleep patterns have changed and I would've never guessed six months ago that I would ever get used to sleeping two hours at a time or that I would ever get used to our child's cry. And by getting used to his cry I mean I no longer would rather scrape a rusty cheese grader against my forehead than hear his continuous screech. I've not only gotten used to it, but I can now tell distinct differences in his cries, if he's sleepy, hungry, in pain, or just being a pain. It's quite awesome learning how to understand him, even though rather than talking he has chosen the most annoying method of communication imaginable. To be honest though, my wife has done an amazing job taking care of our littleman and lets me sleep most of the time as she's breastfeeding and I'm not exactly any help in that department. God bless her, I have actually gotten some uninterrupted sleep, quite a bit of it, but I'm fully convinced that those amazing mothers accept that until the kids are out of the house they'll never get another night of continuous sleep. And even though the last six months have flown by in somewhat of a slumber ridden stupor, if I look back and really think, there's a lot of stuff that has happened.

 

It's amazing the many changes I've witnessed in the last six months. Changes in my life, my wife's, and so many changes in our littleman's life as well. And all of these changes took place so quickly. It seems like right when I'm about to get used to something or start developing a new habit or skill, it quickly becomes outdated, ineffective, or just useless. Here I thought I was just getting good at changing diapers and my son decides to learn how to roll over. And it always seems that his greatest desire to wiggle, roll, and kick those legs are when I'm wiping poop off of his backside. It only takes one ill timed roll to start learning how to react on the fly. And that is kinda what being a father up to this point has felt like, learning on the fly, making decisions in the moment, and hoping that it's for the best and that you're not going to break or scar your kid. My kid has transformed from this fragile helpless blob to a strong, bold headed, burst of personality. My wife has transformed into a pro mom and has done a great job at not stopping being a pro wife. It could've been really easy for my wife to completely ignore me and focus only on the baby. I have heard from several friends who felt like their wives abandoned them when their children were born. It can be difficult to balance both of those roles with their different responsibilities. There's a sense of duty in parenthood that makes you feel as if that tiny thing that sorta looks like you is all there is, and that you're willing to burn the world down to the ground to secure it's safety and well being. And amidst the chaos of raising a child I'm trying to do the same as my wife, be a good dad and remember not to neglect being a good husband. I know right after having the kid, everything non baby related got thrown out the window as it was all hands on deck to make sure his introduction to the world went as well as it possibly could have. But now six months later the world still revolves around him, but not at nearly the same pace as it had, and that's a good thing. He laughs now instead of just crying, he's eating some solid foods not just milk, he moves around a lot and I'm not afraid of his head falling off anymore, and so much more.    

There's one thing that all of these changes have in common and that is they are all necessary. Despite whether or not we like change, it is an inevitable and necessary part of life. And when these unexpected or expected, good or bad, fun or not so fun changes take place, the only thing we're in control of is how we let these things affect us. I've had older friends who have raised children already tell me to enjoy each stage of childhood while it lasted. I reluctantly and politely shook my head up and down to be nice as I thought to myself I can't wait till this kid's older and sleeps all night, or can talk to express what he's feeling, or when he would eat solid food so that mommy would stop being his favorite. But even in the six short months that have flown by, sure enough, there have been little stages and I've seen my littleman change in big ways. And believe it or not I even miss some things, like when he first came home from the hospital and couldn't help but to keep his tiny little noggin against my chest rather than throwing his arm into my throat as if he was trying to apply the sleeper hold while he looks around inquisitively. Time passes by so quickly and my kiddo is changing at a rapid pace. And me and the misses has to as well in order to keep up with him.    

So what on earth will the next six months look like?! I have no idea, but I look forward to finding out. Had you asked me to predict what the first six months of fatherhood were going to look like P.B. (Pre Baby) I would've never had guessed it'd be anything like its actually been. Sure I knew that there'd be poopy diapers, restless nights, and plenty of crying but just like with everything in life we're better at predicting what can go wrong than dreaming about the wonderful things that can go right. There's been more unexpected joy in the last six months than I could have ever imagined. Yes I'm tired, sometimes stressed, and constantly being stretched beyond my comfort zone. I mean I never would have used my hand to catch vomit out of an infant's mouth P.B. but when you're a dad, things change. And I just so happen to love the transformation that my family and I am undergoing.