I'm Tired...A Half Year In Reflection

I'm tired. Like really, really tired. My wife and I  haven't slept in six months. Well we have, but not uninterrupted or peaceably anyways. On December 30th my littleman turns six months old. During a time of the year when many are reflecting on the past twelve months, I'd like to take a look at the last six, and so this is a half year in reflection. In a time when many children would be sleeping through the night by now, our little fella' still likes to wake up every two hours on the hour and demands to be fed. It's crazy how our sleep patterns have changed and I would've never guessed six months ago that I would ever get used to sleeping two hours at a time or that I would ever get used to our child's cry. And by getting used to his cry I mean I no longer would rather scrape a rusty cheese grader against my forehead than hear his continuous screech. I've not only gotten used to it, but I can now tell distinct differences in his cries, if he's sleepy, hungry, in pain, or just being a pain. It's quite awesome learning how to understand him, even though rather than talking he has chosen the most annoying method of communication imaginable. To be honest though, my wife has done an amazing job taking care of our littleman and lets me sleep most of the time as she's breastfeeding and I'm not exactly any help in that department. God bless her, I have actually gotten some uninterrupted sleep, quite a bit of it, but I'm fully convinced that those amazing mothers accept that until the kids are out of the house they'll never get another night of continuous sleep. And even though the last six months have flown by in somewhat of a slumber ridden stupor, if I look back and really think, there's a lot of stuff that has happened.

 

It's amazing the many changes I've witnessed in the last six months. Changes in my life, my wife's, and so many changes in our littleman's life as well. And all of these changes took place so quickly. It seems like right when I'm about to get used to something or start developing a new habit or skill, it quickly becomes outdated, ineffective, or just useless. Here I thought I was just getting good at changing diapers and my son decides to learn how to roll over. And it always seems that his greatest desire to wiggle, roll, and kick those legs are when I'm wiping poop off of his backside. It only takes one ill timed roll to start learning how to react on the fly. And that is kinda what being a father up to this point has felt like, learning on the fly, making decisions in the moment, and hoping that it's for the best and that you're not going to break or scar your kid. My kid has transformed from this fragile helpless blob to a strong, bold headed, burst of personality. My wife has transformed into a pro mom and has done a great job at not stopping being a pro wife. It could've been really easy for my wife to completely ignore me and focus only on the baby. I have heard from several friends who felt like their wives abandoned them when their children were born. It can be difficult to balance both of those roles with their different responsibilities. There's a sense of duty in parenthood that makes you feel as if that tiny thing that sorta looks like you is all there is, and that you're willing to burn the world down to the ground to secure it's safety and well being. And amidst the chaos of raising a child I'm trying to do the same as my wife, be a good dad and remember not to neglect being a good husband. I know right after having the kid, everything non baby related got thrown out the window as it was all hands on deck to make sure his introduction to the world went as well as it possibly could have. But now six months later the world still revolves around him, but not at nearly the same pace as it had, and that's a good thing. He laughs now instead of just crying, he's eating some solid foods not just milk, he moves around a lot and I'm not afraid of his head falling off anymore, and so much more.    

There's one thing that all of these changes have in common and that is they are all necessary. Despite whether or not we like change, it is an inevitable and necessary part of life. And when these unexpected or expected, good or bad, fun or not so fun changes take place, the only thing we're in control of is how we let these things affect us. I've had older friends who have raised children already tell me to enjoy each stage of childhood while it lasted. I reluctantly and politely shook my head up and down to be nice as I thought to myself I can't wait till this kid's older and sleeps all night, or can talk to express what he's feeling, or when he would eat solid food so that mommy would stop being his favorite. But even in the six short months that have flown by, sure enough, there have been little stages and I've seen my littleman change in big ways. And believe it or not I even miss some things, like when he first came home from the hospital and couldn't help but to keep his tiny little noggin against my chest rather than throwing his arm into my throat as if he was trying to apply the sleeper hold while he looks around inquisitively. Time passes by so quickly and my kiddo is changing at a rapid pace. And me and the misses has to as well in order to keep up with him.    

So what on earth will the next six months look like?! I have no idea, but I look forward to finding out. Had you asked me to predict what the first six months of fatherhood were going to look like P.B. (Pre Baby) I would've never had guessed it'd be anything like its actually been. Sure I knew that there'd be poopy diapers, restless nights, and plenty of crying but just like with everything in life we're better at predicting what can go wrong than dreaming about the wonderful things that can go right. There's been more unexpected joy in the last six months than I could have ever imagined. Yes I'm tired, sometimes stressed, and constantly being stretched beyond my comfort zone. I mean I never would have used my hand to catch vomit out of an infant's mouth P.B. but when you're a dad, things change. And I just so happen to love the transformation that my family and I am undergoing.  

My Baby Started A Gang War

My baby started a gang war. Well, at least he's starting one. Maybe, that's a little too strong, there's no bloods and crips, no gang colors, and bullets haven't flown just yet. But don't be mistaken, sides are being drawn. Except in this turf battle it's not East Coast versus West Coast, it is my parents versus the in-laws. Now to be honest my parents and the in-laws have been very polite in their limited interactions. But it is an amazing thing, the rights and privileges, your parents and in-laws receive and demand once you have a child. There's a transformation that takes place in switching your view of your parents from being your parent to being your child's grandparent. And there is a delicate balance, much like a turf war, that I as a parent have to be aware of.

It really isn't anything like that, but there is a sense in which attention and time will be fought over. My in-laws live close by in the next town over, and my parents live out of state six hours away. My child is now five months old and so my in-laws have had dibs on spending time with my littleman purely because they're so close. Outside of the occasional visit, my parents really haven't had the opportunity to spend much time with my boy. There's also a difference in how my little guy is viewed by both sets of grandparents. You see, my wife is an only child, and this is our first child making him their first grandchild. The only pride and bond stronger than a mothers is a first time grandmother! And sincerely she's been an amazing help. Now for me, I'm one of four boys and both of my older brothers have children. One has two and the other three. That makes my littleman grandchild number six for my parents. Now I know they love him just as equally as the others, but it's certainly a different experience than my wife's parents are going through. So there has been a pretty good balance...except my parent who were six hours away are now halfway through a move placing them now ten minutes away from us as they've purchased a new home in the same town! Now I'm excited about this, my wife is understandably a little nervous as any wife would be, but I believe my mother-in-law is pretty concerned. Now she's got someone who is honing in on her turf! So is there a way to keep my wife, parents, and parent-in-law all happy?! Maybe...but regardless of the outcome it's going to take some patience on all of our parts and calling a cease fire might also help.

Maybe you've felt or are feeling this struggle with the holidays coming up and trying to manage your relationships and the delicate balance of not hurting anyone's feelings while still trying to enjoy the holidays. In the Adams household we do the "every other" holiday routine. I'm sure many of you have certain traditions or practices. Maybe your family doesn't really do a whole lot for Thanksgiving, but Christmas is your big holiday, or maybe New Year's Eve. No matter what your tradition is, one tradition that is as old as time is this very struggle. Just remember the holidays are an opportunity to grow closer together as a family, even if you feel like pulling your hair out and just taking your wife and kids on a cruise to avoid it all, lol.

When it's all said and done, this stress is induced because you're loved and your family is loved. No gang...I mean family is perfect. Part of the fun is the chaos, the not knowing, and the attempted balance even if you never get it. You can never be loved by too many people. So even though you cannot choose who will love you, be glad they do, even if the way they show you causes some stress. Remember, how you treat your parents is how your child will most likely treat you...no need to make a child take up sides when we're all on the same team. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!!