And Here I Thought I Wanted To Abandon My Son

So about a month and a half ago I had an opportunity to go out of town and attend a week long seminar for a masters class I'm taking this semester. While I wasn't necessarily looking forward to a rigorous week long master's degree boot camp, I was excited to take a week off of work. And selfishly I was looking forward to a week off from being a dad. You see, my wife had to work that week, and the class was out of state so her and littleman would stay at home. I excitedly packed up my Xbox One and the Blu-ray extended edition of the Star Wars series thinking about the great fun I would have reliving my bachelor days of "nerding out" and losing myself in alternate universes. As soon as I got to the apartment I was staying at I hurriedly unpacked and plugged in my Xbox, set the blu-rays out and exhaled a sigh of victory. And approximately the very next millisecond felt awful as I realized I missed my little boy. And here I thought I wanted to abandon son...

(pure joy)

I've talked about my littleman and the challenges that we face because of the fact we're first time parents and because, well frankly, he's a pain in the butt-ocks (said in a Forest Gump voice). Whether it was the reflux and throwing up, waking up every hour and a half to two hours (which he still does :/), constantly wanting to be held, tantrums at not being able to do what he wants, and so on. The recent fun and something I'll be talking about in the next post is the teething and the starting to walk...yeah, that's right, things are getting real at the Adams house. Needless to say long nights, longer days, fatigue, frustration, and overall weakening resolve to not leave him in the woods for the wolves to raise all play in to wanting to take a break.

We all want breaks from our kids. I think if you'v been a parent for at least 20 minutes you've experienced the desire to take a break. That is especially compounded every additional 20 minutes of parenting added thereafter. I've talked about selfishness in previous blog posts, and while selfishness certainly plays a part here, that is not the only element at play. We all deserve a break, a moment to pee uninterrupted, to sleep more than an hour at a time (which I'm convinced my wife has still yet to do...I love you honey!) But let me tell you as someone who recently had a week away from his little boy for the first time. It sucks. Sure the first time you eat a warm meal that hasn't gotten cold because you and the wifey takes turns wrangling junior from play with the salt and pepper shakers its amazing. But things rapidly go down hill. While I was away I couldn't figure out why I couldn't really enjoy myself. I mean the obvious thing is I miss him, but it was more than just the thought of missing the little guy. I think I figured it out days later though.

(Look at them. plotting their escape and the havoc that will ensue)

They've become such a part of our lives that there's no going back. That's it! Sure you would miss them, but it's more than that. I've spent the last 8 months to make the most rude, selfish, annoying house guest welcome in my home and now he's so ingrained in our home, in our family, that it just wouldn't be our family without him. All of that effort, that sweat equity adds up to a pretty strong bond. Oh, don't get me wrong he's still a pain and I still wish I had more time to myself, but he's pretty awesome too. His crying, as amazing loud as it is, doesn't bother me like it used to, the nights where mom's at work and its just us two aren't nearly as bad as they used to be. It's amazing what the human body can adapt to. He's becoming this little person and I get to daily see the transformation. I may be one bad dad for wanting to have left my kid for a week, but I bet I'm not the only one out there. The thing that matters is that the bond is made and nothing is going to steal me away from that beautiful blob that's changing every day.
 

(My littleman's first swing at the park)